KEUTAMAAN ANAK PEREMPUAN

Para orang tua biasanya lebih merasakan kegembiraan yang luar biasa bila melahirkan bayi laki-laki. Padahal semua pemberian baik anak laki-laki atau perempuan harus disyukuri. Dalam sebuah hadist Rasulullah SAW. bersabda, “Apabila seorang anak perempuan lahir, Allah SWT mengirimkan malaikat ke rumah itu. Mereka mendatangi rumah itu dan mendoakan keselamatan ke atas mereka.

Kemudian para malaikat melingkungi bayi perempuan yang baru lahir dengan sayapnya dan membelai kepalanya dengan tangan mereka seraya berkata bahwa ia adalah lemah. Barangsiapa yang memikul tanggung jawab untuk memeliharanya maka ia akan memperoleh rahmat Allah SWT selama ia masih hidup.”[Al-Mujan As-Shaghir li-Thabrani]

Anas bin Malik r.a. meriwayatkan bahwa Rasulullah SAW. bersabda, “Barangsiapa memelihara dua anak perempuan hingga mencapai akil baligh, maka ia dan aku akan datang pada hari Kiamat seperti ini, beliau lalu mengumpulkan dua jarinya.[HR.Muslim]

Senada dengan hadist di atas ada sebuah hadist dari Aisyah r.a, Aisyah r.a berkata , “Seorang wanita datang kepadaku disertai dua anak perempuannya. Ia meminta shadaqah kepadaku, tetapi ia tidak menemukan sesuatu apapun pada diriku kecuali sebiji kurma. Maka aku berikan kurma itu. Ia menerimanya kemudian membaginya untuk kedua anak perempuannya, ibunya tidak mengambil bagian dari kurma itu. Kemudian ia pergi. Sementara itu Rasulullah SAW. mengunjungiku dan aku menceritakan peristiwa tersebut kepada beliau. Maka Rasulullah SAW.bersabda, “Orang yang memikul tanggung jawab untuk membesarkan anak perempuan dan memperlakukan mereka dengan baik, ia akan memperoleh perlindungan dari neraka jahannam. ”(Muttafaqunalaih)

Jadi buat para bunda yang punya bayi/anak perempuan selamat yaa…Jangan lupa kita jaga anak kita karena darinya kita akan meraih syurga dan aliran pahala bila kita sudah tiada. So jadikan ia mutiara yang tiada duanya di dunia ini. Buat kita para wanita ternyata kepala kita dulu pernah dibelai oleh para malaikat.

SUbhanallah...

Ya, Allah karuniakanlah kami keturunan yang SHoleh/sholehah. Aamiin

“The War on Men Through the Degradation of Woman” -

"How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn’t recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him 4 four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.

May we all find our way.

~ Jada Pinkett-Smith, Sinuous Magazine (http://www.sinuousmag.co

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A Hindu saint, who was visiting river Ganges to take bath, found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
"Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?"

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, "Because we lose our calm, we shout."

"But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner," asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained...

"When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…"

The saint continued, "When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other."

He looked at his disciples and said. "So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return."

Gangguan Manusia Pada Jalan Allah. Orang yang berdakwah kepada kebenaran pasti akan disakiti dan diganggu oleh manusia lain. Namun, tidak sepatutnya gangguan manusia itu dijadikan seperti azab Allah taala. Allah taala berfirman: وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَنْ يَقُولُ آمَنَّا بِاللَّهِ فَإِذَا أُوذِيَ فِي اللَّهِ جَعَلَ فِتْنَةَ النَّاسِ كَعَذَابِ اللَّهِ وَلَئِنْ جَاءَ نَصْرٌ مِنْ رَبِّكَ لَيَقُولُنَّ إِنَّا كُنَّا مَعَكُمْ ۚ أَوَلَيْسَ اللَّهُ بِأَعْلَمَ بِمَا فِي صُدُورِ الْعَالَمِينَ "Dan ada sebahagian dari manusia yang berkata: "Kami beriman kepada Allah"; kemudian apabila ia DIGANGGU dan DISAKITI pada JALAN ALLAH, ia jadikan GANGGUAN MANUSIA itu SEPERTI AZAB Allah (lalu ia taatkan manusia)" [Al-Ankabut:10] Seorang ulama menjelaskan apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan menjadikan GANGGUAN MANUSIA SEPERTI AZAB ALLAH dalam ayat ini: فالمؤمنون لِكمال بصيرتهم، فرُّوا مِن ألم عذاب الله إلى الإيمانِ، وتحمَّلُوا ما فيهِ من الألم الزائل المُفارق عن قريب، وهذا لضعف بصيرته، فرَّ من ألم عذاب أعداء الرسل إلى موافقتهم ومتابعتهم، ففرَّ مِن ألمِ عذابهم إلى ألمِ عذاب الله، فجعل ألمَ فتنة الناس في الفِرار منه، بمنزلة ألم عذاب الله، "Orang beriman kerana kesempurnaan ilmu mereka, mereka lari daripada KEPEDIHAN SEKSAAN ALLAH taala kepada IMAN dan mereka pun MENANGGUNG KEPEDIHAN yang akan hilang dan berpisah daripadanya. Manakala orang munafik, kerana kelemahan ilmunya, dia lari daripada KEPEDIHAN SEKSAAN MUSUH RASUL kepada MENYETUJUI dan MENGIKUTI MUSUH RASUL. Maka dia lari daripada KEPEDIHAN SEKSAAN MANUSIA menuju kepada kepedihan SEKSAAN ALLAH. Dengan demikian, dia telah menyamakan kepedihan FITNAH (SEKSAAN ) manusia dengan kepedihan AZAB ALLAH" [Zaadul Ma'ad] Wallahu alam. #Arar. 28/12/13.

By: Dr Abu Anas Madani

peranan wali dalam urusan cari jodoh

Submitted by admin3 on Sun, 29/12/2013 - 12:11

• cari jodoh

Alhamdulillah, dalam entry ini admin kongsikan tentang peranan wali dalam urusan cari jodoh. Jom kita belajar dan refresh semula apa tanggungjawab ibubapa terhadap anak-anaknya, semoga ianya bermanfaat.

Setelah tamat belajar, cita-cita untuk cari jodoh dan memilih malah memiliki calon cari jodoh yang bergelar suami mithali atau suami teladan memang ada dalam diri setiap calon cari jodoh wanita.
Terlalu banyak pilihan cari jodoh di luar sana dari pelbagai latar belakang, mungkin ada satu calon cari jodoh yang berkenan di hati seorang wanita dan tipulah jika orang perempuan pernah kata dia tiada ‘secret admirer’.
Namun begitu kebanyakan calon cari jodoh wanita lebih banyak menyimpan ‘secret admirer’ nya di dalam hati untuk dipendam daripada diluah pada sesiapa malah bff (best fried forever) pun tak tahu siapa ‘secret admirer’ nya itu. Tersimpan dan terbukulah calon cari jodoh nya itu hanya di dalam hati.
Sebagai seorang wanita sejati, cari jodoh adalah part yang susah jika tiada usaha untuk menghilangkan rasa malu. Memang rasa sangat malu untuk meluahkan hasrat hati dan keinginannya jika ia telah menemui seorang lelaki yang dirasakan sesuai untuk menjadi pasangan hidupnya. Ini mungkin kerana tidak mahu dikatakan perigi mencari timba.
Rasa malu ini adalah fitrah semulajadi yang Allah beri pada wanita. Namun dalam masalah cari jodoh dan pemilihan calon cari jodoh ini adalah tidak salah dari segi syarak seorang wanita menyatakan keinginannya terhadap si lelaki.
Namun persoalannya hari ini, tidak banyak cara dan ruang dalam masyarakat kita untuk seorang wanita yang telah ada calon cari jodoh dihatinya untuk membuka langkah berani sebegitu rupa. Apatah lagi, kalau calon cari jodoh lelaki yang dilamarnya  menolak pula si gadis itu. Tidakkah haru biru jadinya?
Tidak hairanlah sekiranya ramai di antara wanita berkerjaya yang sudah agak lewat usia, memilih untuk terus membujang dari menanggung risiko bimbang akan melalui pengalaman cari jodoh yang pahit ini.
Di sini, ibu bapa memainkan peranan yang penting untuk cari jodoh dan bertanya jika si anak ada menyimpan hasrat hati tentang calon cari jodoh yang diminatinya.
Dan si bapa yang lebih elok bertanya dahulu dengan cara yang baik dan hikmah pada anak gadisnya, adakah dia sudah ada calon cari jodoh atau lelaki yang diminatinya dan tanya kesediaan si anak gadisnya itu untuk berumahtangga.
Persoalan cari jodoh anak gadis ini boleh dirungkai dengan pelbagai cara samada mengajak makan di luar atau apabila bersiar bersama-sama, bertanya secara terus atau beralas. Tentunya si anak gadis akan merasa kurang tekanan dan sangat selesa apabila dapat bercerita soal cari jodoh bersama bapa mereka. Si bapa pula boleh memberi apa-apa pandangan yang positif sekiranya si anak gadis bertanyakan pendapatnya tentang calon cari jodohnya itu.
Kemudiannya boleh dilanjutkan pada si ibu untuk berbincang tentang calon cari jodohnya itu dengan lebih terperinci kerana biasanya anak-anak lebih rapat dan manja dengan ibu daripada ayah. Dan hal ini diteruskan sehinggalah si anak gadis dapat cari jodoh tanpa perlu terjebak dengan budaya couple.
Ibu bapa sememangnya bertanggungjawab dalam cari jodoh dan menguruskan calon cari jodoh buat anak-anak gadis mereka. Dan ini termasuk antara hak anak-anak dalam Islam. Ibu bapa perlu cari jodoh dan mencari pasangan yang baik supaya zuriat  yang bakal dilahirkan hasil daripada perkahwinan itu adalah zuriat yang soleh solehah.
Kepada anak-anak pula haruslah mempercayai ibu bapa dalam cari jodoh dan memilihkan jodoh yang sesuai untuk mereka. InsyaAllah, pilihan calon cari jodoh ibubapa adalah pilihan cari jodoh yang terbaik.
Biasanya pilihan cari jodoh  keluarga adalah dari kalangan sahabat, keturunan, sekufu yang baik-baik. Ibubapa telah mengetahui asal usul, agama dan perangai bakal calon cari jodoh dan keluarganya. Ibu dan ayah tidak mungkin sesekali akan cari jodoh dan menjodohkan kita dengan keluarga yang tidak baik asal usul keturunan dan pastinya mereka mencarikan kita jodoh yang baik agamanya.
Apa-apa pun, jika calon cari jodoh pilihan sendiri tidak menjadi pilihan keluarga mungkin juga kerana cari jodoh pilihan keluarga itu adalah yang terbaik. Apa yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya dan hikmah itu akan menyusul disepanjang perhubungan itu, inysaALLAH.
Rasulullah SAW bersabda yang bermaksud: “Seseorang wanita itu dinikahi kerana empat perkara: kerana hartanya, kerana kedudukannya, kerana kecantikannya dan kerana agamanya. Pilihlah wanita yang beragama, maka engkau akan beruntung.”(Hadis riwayat al-Bukhari)
Admin kongsikan peranan dan hak ibubapa kepada anak-anaknya:

1. Mendapat pendidikan yang sempurna dunia dan akhirat dan bukannya pendidikan akademik sahaja
2. Bekerja dan memastikan aliran tunai keluarga berjalan dengan baik.
3. Mengajar anak-anak dengan akhlak yang baik.
4. Berusaha cari jodoh dan mencarikan pasangan untuk anak-anak gadisnya dan mengawal anak-anaknya daripada pergaulan bebas.
5. Membudaya ilmu dan menggalakkan ahli keluarga membaca buku ilmiah.
6. Memberi teguran dan hukuman jika anak melakukan kesilapan agar menyedarkan anak-anak tentang apa yang salah dan betul.

Secara amnya, tanggungjawab dalam cari jodoh bukanlah terletak pada bahu si gadis semata-mata. Jika dia telah cari jodoh dan bertemu dengan pilihan hatinya, ibu bapa juga harus turut mengetahui dan memberi pandangan tentang asal-usul si lelaki itu agar pilihan cari jodoh itu adalah pilihan cari jodoh yang terbaik untuk anak gadisnya.
Sesungguhnya, jodoh, ajal dan maut itu  adalah ketentuan Allah SWT. Namun, usaha daripada pihak ibubapa malah saudara mara juga diperlukan agar segala urusan cari jodoh untuk anak gadis ini dipermudahkan. InsyaAllah.
Setelah seorang wanita dapat calon cari jodoh dan telah memilih calon lelaki itu untuk dijadikan suaminya. Maka, sebagai bapa pada wanita itu, dia perlu menyampaikan hasrat anak gadisnya itu kepada si lelaki supaya apabila calon cari jodoh lelaki sudah setuju, dia boleh terus masuk meminang.
Jika calon cari jodoh wanita tiada bapa, urusan cari jodoh ini boleh diserahkan kepada wali seterusnya iaitu datuk, bapa saudara sebelah ayah, abang, atau wali hakim.
Dan jika si gadis masih tiada calon lelaki (mungkin tidak bekerja atau tidak mempunyai kenalan lelaki), si bapa wali atau ibu wanita perlu mengambil tindakan untuk berusaha cari jodoh untuk anak gadisnya itu.
Selain itu, sebagai bapa (atau wali), jika melihat anak gadisnya telah menjalinkan hubungan intim dengan calon cari jodoh lelaki yang menggalakkan maksiat, maka bapa berhak melarang anak perempuannya itu. Ini memerlukan sedikit ketegasan, namun ianya perlu rasional supaya tidak mengeruhkan lagi keadaan.
Jika ada calon cari jodoh lelaki yang berminat dengan anak perempuannya, sebaiknya si bapa membantu dan menggalakkan lelaki itu untuk meminang anaknya dahulu, bukannya terus membenarkan anak gadisnya keluar berdua-dua dengan lelaki itu.
Ingatlah, cari jodoh dan hubungan intim `girlfriend-boyfriend' ini tidak dibenarkan dalam Islam kerana ianya telah banyak membawa kepada zina dan membawa kepada dosa maksiat.
Filem Hollywood dan Hindustan (Bollywood) yang banyak di rancangan televisyen telah mengaburi mata umat Islam tentang keindahan hubungan pasangan kekasih dan ini telah merosakkan hubungan suci sebelum perkahwinan apabila banyak dari mereka yang telah terjebak dengan perkara yang menghampiri zina.
Anak adalah rezeki daripada Allah yang sudah selayaknya pasangan ibubapa perlu bersyukur atas rezeki anak ini.
Dalam surah as-Syura ayat 49 dan 50, Allah SWT berfirman yang bermaksud,
“Kepunyaan Allahlah kerajaan langit dan bumi. Dia menciptakan apa yang Ia kehendaki. Dia memberikan anak perempuan kepada siapa yang Dia kehendaki dan memberikan anak lelaki kepada siapa yang Ia kehendaki. Atau Dia menganugerahkan kedua jenis lelaki dan perempuan (kepada siapa yang Ia kehendaki). Dan Dia menjadikan mandul kepada siapa yang Ia kehendaki. Sesungguhnya Dialah yang Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Kuasa.”
Antara bentuk rasa syukur kita juga adalah kita sebgai ibubapa mengambil berat persoalan cari jodoh anak-anak mereka. Dengan demikian, semoga lebih terjalin hubungan harmoni antara ibubapa dan anak-anak. Dan akhirnya lahirlah cucu serta zuriat keturunan yang taat dan baik-baik kepada dua ibu bapanya serta terbentuklah watak anak soleh solehah  yang dapat membangunkan agama, bangsa dan negara.
 

A sweet lesson on patience.

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive
through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

The Kind of Love That Sees Us Through

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  relationship

I have always been a skeptic when it comes to matters of the heart. Early experiences taught me that I have to stay guarded and never let just anyone in. If I can help it, I always choose sanity over heartbreak.

Truth be told, love is the sort of luxury that have always eluded me. I relish in my independence and freedom. Perhaps because of this, my status had always been single (and mingle?).


Was I happy? Was I lonely? Yes and yes.

You see, the idea of love holds me both intrigued and scared. I know about the great peculiarity of how the heart skips a beat when you see someone you like or why you stay up all night wondering if that certain someone feels the same way too. I also know the unbearable sadness that envelopes you when lovers turned into strangers.


Yes, past relationships have taught me well.

But somewhere along the line, the heart stubbornly wants to grow. It’s never a question about finding the one. It became about the right here, right now. I’m a great believer that if things are truly meant to be, it will happen somehow. Such is the ironic faith of the cynic in me.


The Bittersweet Reality

Love, I understand takes many form. It can be passion, it can be pain. It can be strength, contentment, laughter, joy, excitement, happiness, sadness, sorrow, anguish, vulnerability. Love is bittersweet. Yet tolerable. That is the great thing about the human heart.

Our love may not be perfect but we take it all in, we know it’s solely our own because the unique experience cannot be replicated with anyone else. All the good and the bad, the highs and the lows. You take it in. You willingly experience all that he or she has to offer.

That’s the kind of love that sees us through. It is also the one where acceptance becomes a practice habit. The little quirks about the other person may bother you but you are still ok with that.

The little bedtime routine of stretching your body and cracking your bones. The way you blow a hot bowl of soup with your tongue sticking out. The annoying shrieks you make when there’s a cicak in the room. The brooding face that you think ‘ok, I can live with that’.

It’s all the little things about the other person.

When it comes to the people that we care about, we put up with a lot of things. I find that when you are willing to share your life with someone, acceptance and tolerance become a mantra of sorts. It is the kind of give and take that we are willing to go through, one that tests us and brings a new meaning to our lives.

You would try your darnest.

Yes, this is the kind love that sees us through. How it ends, or endures, is another story itself.

Conflict Strategies for Nice People

by Liane Davey  |   12:00 PM December 25, 2013

• Comments (6)
•        

Do you value friendly relations with your colleagues? Are you proud of being a nice person who would never pick a fight?  Unfortunately, you might be just as responsible for group dysfunction as your more combative team members. That’s because it’s a problem when you shy away from open, healthy conflict about the issues. If you think you’re “taking one for the team” by not rocking the boat, you’re deluding yourself.
Teams need conflict to function effectively.  Conflict allows the team to come to terms with difficult situations, to synthesize diverse perspectives, and to make sure solutions are well thought-out.  Conflict is uncomfortable, but it is the source of true innovation and also a critical process in identifying and mitigating risks.
Still, I meet people every day who admit that they aren’t comfortable with conflict.  They worry that disagreeing might hurt someone’s feelings or disrupt harmonious team dynamics. They fret that their perspective isn’t as valid as someone else’s, so they hold back.
Sure, pulling your punches might help you maintain your self-image as a nice person, but you do so at the cost of getting your alternative perspective on the table; at the cost of challenging faulty assumptions; and at the cost of highlighting hidden risks.  That’s a high cost to pay for nice.
To overcome these problems, we need a new definition of nice. In this version of nice, you surface your differences of opinion, you discuss the uncomfortable issues, and you put things on the table where they can help your team move forward.
The secret of having healthy conflict and maintaining your self-image as a nice person is all in the mindset and the delivery.
To start shifting your mindset, think about your value to the team not in how often you agree, but in how often you add unique value.  If all you’re doing is agreeing with your teammates, you’re redundant.  So start by telling yourself “it’s my obligation to bring a different perspective than what others are bringing.” Grade yourself on how much value you bring on a topic.
Here are a few tips on improving your delivery:
1. Use “and,” not “but.” When you need to disagree with someone, express your contrary opinion as an “and.” It’s not necessary for someone else to be wrong for you to be right.  When you are surprised to hear something a teammate has said, don’t try to trump it, just add your reality. “You think we need to leave room in the budget for a customer event and I’m concerned that we need that money for employee training. What are our options?”   This will engage your teammates in problem solving, which is inherently collaborative instead of combative.
2. Use hypotheticals. When someone disagrees with you, don’t take them head on—being contradicted doesn’t feel very good.  Instead, a useful tactic is to ask about hypothetical situations and to get them imagining. (Imagining is the opposite of defending, so it gets the brain out of a rut.) If you are meeting resistance to your ideas, try asking your teammates to imagine a different scenario. “I hear your concern about getting the right sales people to pull off this campaign. If we could get the right people…what could the campaign look like?
3. Ask about the impact. Directing open-ended questions at your teammate is also useful.  If you are concerned about a proposed course of action, ask your teammates to think through the impact of implementing their plan. “Ok, we’re contemplating launching this product to only our U.S. customers. How is that going to land with our two big customers in Latin America?”  This approach feels much less aggressive than saying “Our Latin American customers will be angry.”  Anytime you can demonstrate that you’re open to ideas and curious about the right approach, it will open up the discussion (and you’ll preserve your reputation as a nice person).
4. Discuss the underlying issue. Many conflicts on a team spiral out of control because the parties involved aren’t on the same page.  If you disagree with a proposed course of action, instead of complaining about the solution, start by trying to understand what’s behind the suggestion. If you understand the reasoning, you might be able to find another way to accomplish the same goal. “I’m surprised you suggested we release the sales figures to the whole team. What is your goal in doing that?” Often conflict arises when one person tries to solve a problem without giving sufficient thought to the options or the impact of those actions.  If you agree that the problem they are trying to solve is important, you will have common ground from which to start sleuthing toward answers.
5. Ask for help. Another tactic for “nice conflict” is to be mildly self-deprecating and to own the misunderstanding.  If something is really surprising to you (e.g., you can’t believe anyone would propose anything so crazy), say so.  “I’m missing something here. Tell me how this will address our sales gap for Q1.” If the person’s idea really doesn’t hold water, a series of genuine, open questions that come from a position of helping you understand will likely provide other teammates with the chance to help steer the plan in a different direction.
Conflict — presenting a different point of view even when it is uncomfortable — is critical to team effectiveness. Diversity of thinking on a team is the source of innovation and growth. It is also the path to identifying and mitigating risks. If you find yourself shying away from conflict, use one of these techniques to make it a little easier.
The alternative is withholding your concerns, taking them up outside of the team, and slowly eroding trust and credibility.  That’s not nice at all.

Sell Your Product Before It Exists

by David Burkus  |   8:00 AM December 25, 2013

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There’s crowdfunding and then there’s crowdfunding. While most startups who set up pages on Kickstarter, Indiegogo or a host of other crowdfunding sites are looking to hit a specific goal and then get started making their project a reality, a new crop of businesses are using the platform for as a wholly different business model: selling their product before it exists.
It’s a model that isn’t entirely new — software companies have long used “vaporware” campaigns to get an injection of cash by selling software before it’s available. However, these new businesses are doing with tangible products what had only before been done with software. The most recent standout in the class of “vaporgoods” is Coin, which straddles the divide between software and hardware. If you haven’t seen the promos yet, Coin is a new device that aggregates all of your information from credit, debit, and even loyalty cards and can be swiped just like a regular credit card. Coin’s makers first launched a $50,000 crowdfunding campaign and, after hitting their goal inside of 40 minutes, are continuing to take pre-orders at half the future retail price. It’s unknown how many units of the device have now been pre-sold. However, the real success isn’t in the amount of cash Coin raises; it’s that the minds behind Coin have proven there’s a market demand for their product using the only research method that counts: the market itself.
Coin’s pre-existence sales push the concept of minimum viable product (MVP) even further. When Eric Reis was popularizing the concept of an MVP, the guiding principle was to build and release a product with as few features as possible, and then use the market’s reaction to gauge how to refine the product. Coin has managed to test the market without ever actually releasing the physical product. It’s important to note that they undoubtedly developed and tested prototypes, but many customers made the decision to pre-order without ever holding a prototype. In addition to the benefits of an MVP strategy, Coin’s strategy allowed them to mitigate our internal bias against innovative new ideas. Often when a new product, creative work, or ideology is released, the initial reaction isn’t as strong as the creators hoped. Most studies show that 50% or more of all new product launches fail.
Research led by Jennifer Muller has shown that, at least subconsciously, humans have a hard time seeing past the newness of something to recognize its usefulness. Coming up short in the mind of the consumer is one reason for the overwhelming rate of failures in product launches. Needless to say, those product failures come at a loss of capital spent on everything from produce development, distribution costs, marketing, and even the cost of returning unsold goods. Especially when selling a device that stores sensitive information, this bias is a major hurdle to product adoption, and Coin went to great lengths to attempt to put consumers at ease (including a 75-question FAQ on their website). But even when potential customers see the product and opt to pass, or wait for the next iteration, Coin doesn’t lose nearly as much as if they’d pushed for the widespread distribution of a traditional retail launch.
Exactly what causes a new product’s success or failure in the market is still widely speculated. New product launches are always a gamble, and strategy isn’t about perfection. It’s about increasing your odds of winning. Until we find out how to guarantee market adoption ahead of time, Coin’s strategy of selling the product before it really exists looks like an effective way to stack the deck with minimum losses and maximize possible gains.
It may not be the right strategy for every industry. But if it’s possible, consider selling your new product before it exists.

INDAHNYA MENIKAH

Ketika bersama bisa saling bercanda bersama.
Itulah ROMANTIS-nya menikah.

Ketika sakit ada yang merawat.
Itulah DAMAI-nya menikah.

Ketika susah ada teman yang selalu menghibur.
Itulah INDAH-nya menikah....

Ketika dikaruniai si buah hati.
Itulah BAHAGIA-nya menikah.

Ketika capek sepulang kerja dapat sambutan.
Itulah SENANG-nya menikah.

Ketika saling menerima kekurangan dan kelebihan.
Itulah MULIA-nya menikah.

Ketika mendapat rezeki kecil dan besar bisa terasa manfaatnya.
Itulah BAROKAH-nya menikah.

Dan ketika sepasang suami isteri bertatapan, berpandang-pandangan, saling menebar senyum bahagia..
Disitulah para Malaikat ikut mendoakan agar kedua pasangan tersebut mendapatkan ridha-Nya.

MAU . . . ????!!!
Bagi yang sudah siap segeralah menikah.
Tinggalkan hubungan terlarang.
Agar dosa maksiat berganti pahala ibadah.

SUAMI YANG BAIK...

-Dia tidak hanya pandai menuntut isterinya agar menjadi seorang wanita baik seperti yang diinginkannya. Akan tetapi dia lebih banyak memberi contoh yang baik dalam rumah tangganya.

-Ketika seorang suami menginginkan isterinya menjadi seorang wanita yang bertakwa kepada ALLAH. Maka dia terlebih dahulu perlu mencontohkan dirinya sebagai seorang imam yang bertakwa.

-Ketika seorang suami menginginkan isterinya menjadi wanita yang penuh hormat kepadanya. Maka dia perlu menjadikan dirinya sebagai seorang imam yang selalu menghargai isterinya.

-Ketika seorang suami menginginkan isterinya menjadi wanita yang selalu setia. Maka dia haruslah meletakkan dirinya sebagai seorang imam yang tidak mudah tergoda kepada wanita lainnya.

-Dan ketika seorang suami menginginkan isterinya menjadi wanita yang penuh kasih sayang dalam keluarganya. Maka dia haruslah menjadikan dirinya sebagai suami yang penuh perhatian kepada isteri dan juga anak-anaknya.

"Jodohmu adalah cermin dirimu"

: 6 PESANAN BUAT ISTERI ::

1. Jaga solat pada awal waktu.
Kalau datang haid sekalipun jika tidak dapat solat, kena duduk atas tikar sembahyang supaya anak tidak lihat kita meninggal solat.

2. Hidupkan Bacaan Hadis Nabi saw di rumah dengan keluarga.
Dianjur baca Hadis Fadhilat Amal. Ini amalan sahabiah zaman Nabi saw sehingga dari rumah kita keluar anak-anak yg soleh yg mendoakan kesejahteraan kedua ibubapa dunia/akhirat.

3. Baca Al Quran setiap hari walaupun hanya 8 ayat.
Kalau tak mampu nak baca kerana terlalu sibuk, cukup dengan mencium Al Quran dan muhasabah 'Ya Allah, apa dosa saya hingga saya tak dapat nak baca kitab Mu pada hari ini."

4. Mendidik anak secara Islam.
Mengajar anak-anak dari kecil bermula dengan doa-doa masnun.
Iaitu doa seharian Nabi saw saperti doa tidur, bangun tidur,
makan dan sebagainya.

5. Hidup sederhana dengan tidak membebankan suami.
Setiap hari malaikat akan menghantar 500 jambangan bunga dari
syurga untuk wanita yg hidup sederhana. Setiap titisan air
masakan dan basuhan mereka akan menjadi zikir mohon keampunan kepada Allah swt atas wanita tersebut.

6. Galak suami untuk bermujahadah atas Agama Allah.
Seorang isteri yg menggalakan suaminya untuk solat berjemaah
di Masjid/Surau akan dapat pahala berjemaah suaminya termasuk
solat dia sendiri.

DR ASRI-BAGAIMANA TAKDIR BERUBAH DGN DOA

Hari-Hari Terakhir Umar Bin Abdul Aziz

Jumat 12 Syaaban 1434 / 21 Juni 2013 21:13

---

UMAR bin Abdul-Aziz adalah khalifah yang terkenal dengan kezuhudannya. Bahkan seorang menteri pun pernah menegur isteri sang khalifah, “Gantilah baju khalifah itu”, isterinya pun membalas, “Hanya itu pakaian yang ia miliki”.
Apabila beliau ditanya, “Wahai Amirul Mukminin, tidakkah engkau mau mewasiatkan sesuatu kepada anak-anakmu?”
“Apa yang ingin kuwasiatkan? Aku hanya orang yang tidak memiliki apa-apa,” Umar Abdul Aziz menjawab.
“Mengapa engkau tinggalkan anak-anakmu dalam keadaan tidak memiliki apa-apa?”
“Jika anak-anakku orang soleh, Allah lah yang akan mengurusi mereka. Jika mereka sebaliknya, aku tidak ingin meninggalkan hartaku di tangan mereka lalu menggunakan hartaku untuk mendurhakai Allah”
Suatu ketika, Umar bin Abdul-Aziz memanggil semua anaknya dan berkata,”Wahai anak-anakku, sesungguhnya ayahmu telah diberi dua pilihan, pertama: menjadikan kalian semua kaya dan ayah masuk neraka, kedua: kalian miskin seperti sekarang dan ayah masuk surga (karena tidak menggunakan uang rakyat). Sesungguhnya wahai anak-anakku, ayah telah memilih surga.”
Sepeninggalan Umar bin Abdul-Aziz, anak-anaknya dalam keadaan tidak berharta dibandingkan anak-anak gubernur lain yang kaya. Setelah kejatuhan Bani Umayyah dan masa-masa setelahnya, keturunan Umar bin Abdul-Aziz adalah golongan yang kaya karena doa dan ketawakkalan Umar bin Abdul-Aziz. [ra/islampos]

BELAJAR DARI DAPUR IBU

Seorang wanita yang baru saja menikah, datang ke ibunya dan mengeluh soal tingkah laku suaminya. Setelah pesta pernikahan, baru ia tahu karakter asli sang suami keras kepala, suka bermalasan, cuek, boros, dsb.

Wanita muda itu berharap orang tuanya ikut menyalahkan suaminya. Namun betapa kagetnya dia karena ternyata ibunya diam saja, bahkan sang ibu kemudian malah masuk ke dapur, sementara putrinya terus bercerita dan mengikutinya.

Sang ibu lalu memasak air. Setelah sekian lama, air mendidih.Sang ibu menuangkan air panas mendidih itu ke dalam 3 gelas yang telah disiapkan.

Di gelas pertama ia masukkan telur, di gelas kedua ia masukkan wortel & di gelas ketiga ia masukkan kopi.

Setelah menunggu beberapa saat, ia mengangkat isi ke-3 gelas tadi, dan hasilnya: Wortel yang keras menjadi lunak, telur yang mudah pecah menjadi keras, & kopi menghasilkan aroma yg harum.

Lalu sang ibu menjelaskan: "Nak... masalah dalam hidup itu bagaikan air mendidih". Namun, bagaimana sikap kitalah yg akan menentukan dampaknya".

Kita bisa menjadi :

1. Lembek seperti wortel.
2. Mengeras seperti telur.
3. Atau harum seperti kopi.

Jadi, wortel & telur bukan mempengaruhi air... Mereka malah berubah oleh air. Sementara kopi malah mengubah air & membuatnya menjadi harum.

Dalam tiap masalah, selalu tersimpan mutiara yg berharga. Sangat mudah utk bersyukur saat keadaan baik-baik saja, tapi apakah kita dpt tetap bersyukur saat kita ditimpa masalah ?

Hari ini kita belajar ada 3 reaksi orang saat masalah datang.

* Ada yang menjadi lembek, suka mengeluh & mengasihani diri sendiri.
* Ada yang mengeras, marah & menyalahkan pihak lain.
* Ada yang justru semakin harum, menjadi semakin kuat & bijaksana.

Semoga ALLAH senantiasa membimbing kita dalam kesabaran, dan memberikan kita segala pertolongan sehingga setiap persoalan yang kita hadapi selalu mendapatkan naungan dan kemudahan-Nya. Aamiin.

Petua Untuk Menghilangkan Perut Buncit

1. Makan Dengan Perlahan - Semasa makan, elakkan daripada berdiri dan cuba kunyah dengan perlahan kerana makanan yang tidak dapat dihadam akan menimbulkan banyak gas.

2. Jangan Minum Teh - Daun teh boleh mengakibatkan protein daripada makanan anda mengeras dan sukar dicerna.

3. Kurangkan Pengambilan Garam - Terlalu banyak garam hanya menambahkan lagi sodium dalam badan dan melambatkan pengeluaran air keluar dari sel. Akibatnya perut akan terasa penuh dan buncit.

4. Jangan Tidur Selepas Makan - Makanan yang anda baharu ambil itu pastinya tidak dapat dicerna dengan baik dan boleh menyebabkan jangkitan kepada usus sekiranya anda terus tertidur atau terasa mahu tidur.

5. Jangan Mandi - Mandi selepas makan hanya akan mengurangkan kadar pengaliran darah ke kawasan perut. Ini akan melemahkan sistem pencernaan anda. Kalau boleh, sebelum makan, mandi dahulu.

The lure of lure fishing for haruan (C. Striata)

December 4, 2009 by SportFishin' Asia 2 Comments

LURE FISHING for Striped Snakehead (haruan, c. striata) can be very addictive. Not to mention challenging and frustrating at times. Compared to fishing for its big brother the Toman (Giant Snakehead), Haruan fishing is almost finesse.

Wild caught Striped Snakehead (Haruan) of this size (60 cm) is sadly getting very uncommon
Over the past one year or so, I’ve had the distinct privilege of comparing fishing for snakeheads using artificial baits (lures) versus natural baits, or more specifically frogs which happens to be the de-facto bait for as long as time. We all know many asian anglers swear by their frogs to catch haruans. Many in fact, will not even go haruan fishing if they are unable to obtain their froggy supply of bait.

This fish almost totally engulfed the 9 cm Ofmer lure, head first.
Does natural bait out-fish the artificial bait? The result from my observation at least is far from that. While we cannot argue the effectiveness of natural bait, time and again the plastic or metal variety has actually yielded better results than going natural. And it sure is hell a lot more fun catching snakeheads on lures.

Allow me to quote a friend, Alan, who recently caught his first snakehead on lure “…it was really hard work with lure but the hookup was definitely exciting and very different. The strike was very violent as well, in my case anyway”. [Update: Within less than a year since that first bite, Alan is totally hooked on lure fishing! And have even lost count of the numerous fish he has landed since].
As a matter of fact, 3 long-time frog-loyal anglers went snakehead fishing during a recent festive break. There was no supply of frog bait due to the holidays so they had to rely solely on lures (perhaps encouraged by my catch results?). And they still managed to catch, and release, 5 snakeheads between them in a decently brief 4 hours of fishing. Not too shabby!
Still it never fails to amaze a die-hard frog angler when he sees a big snakehead clinging on to a bait so unnatural looking it seem crazy that a snakehead would bite them at all. Let alone the bigger and supposedly wiser fish.
Don’t worry. No haruan is smarter than a fifth grader. While many lures have come a long way in terms of resemblance to their natural counterparts, it’s only natural to wonder why fish bite noisy pieces of metals or plastics.
The subject here is not to give the Channa family too much credit. They’ve got brains the size of your thumbnail and can’t rationalize things like we do. Proof of this lies in the fact that many of us have caught snakeheads using artificials made out of rubbers, metals, plastics and the likes.
There are many factors that influence haruan feeding behaviour, and so each and every day presents a set of new challenges as no two days are alike.

This Snakehead has a liking for the pink Mazzy Frog.
Seeing is feeding
Adult snakehead is an apex predator; generally they are not open water hunters but rather ambush artists, which means that they usually hide in wait and then “pounce” on their prey. Snakeheads will strike on prey up to 2/3 of their own size.

Countless Striped Snakeheads have been taken on Spinnerbaits.
While smell and vibration plays a role in attracting their attention, snakehead rely heavily on their sight to locate prey. And though it makes sense to have a lure that looks as close to the real thing as possible it is not as important as you might think. There are other factors such as water clarity and the other is the snakehead’s tiny brain.
Especially in stained water, size, shape and colour are secondary to placement. This means if the fins on your bait are out of place or simply finless, how many scales or legs your bait has aren’t as important as where you place your cast. If it’s there and easy, it’ll most likely get eaten regardless of what it looks like.
Snakehead also rely heavily on instinct, which leads them to strike at things they normally wouldn’t if they could mull it over before deciding whether or not to strike. They see churning on the surface, assuming it is a struggling something or other, and attack. The question of colour, shape or smell arises later.
The saying a lure’s colour catches an angler first hold some truth to it. If you drag a bait in front of a snakehead’s nose, it sees an easy meal swimming past. It will eat it whether it’s a natural colour or not. Most animals behave in a similar manner; they instinctive know some things without ever having to learn them because it is already pre-programmed in their DNA.

This Striped Snakehead was taken with a Rapala Countdown. The Striped snakehead regurgitates its last meal, a Gourami (Ikan Sepat) shortly after.
Eat that!
When you stop to think about it, lots of lures are meant to imitate fish’s favourite forage, but then there are things like spinnerbaits. What does a spinnerbait imitate? And how about baits with little propellers attached either in front or at the tail section of the lure? So why do snakehead eat anything like these?
Quite simply because snakehead are very instinctual much like other predatory fish, they’re pre-programmed to eat first and ask questions later. If something looks like it may be a good meal, they take a bite at it without further thought.

Snakehead lacks the capability to rationalize things like we humans do. They don’t stop and think about what could be making that commotion nearby.  Even though it may attract them to check it out they simply see it as an opportunity for a meal and strike it.
I have observed that most snakeheads caught on lure are hooked onto the front set of hooks. This in my opinion indicates feeding behavior as they intend to swallow the bait headfirst. This also shows the haruan striking quickly as the bait swims past either in front of them or above them.
To summarize, snakehead are not as smart as we’d like to believe, and they’re even less discerning. If something is there for the taking, more often than not it will get eaten. But remember the basic rules, try to match natural tones and patterns in clear water and use anything you can in stained water to get the attention the lure deserves. Lure placement trumps all in the end.

Snakeheads also dig soft plastics. In this case a scented Berkley Gulp! Shad rigged on a Nitro jighead.

Some of the lures you can find in my tackle boxes when I go snakehead fishing.

Haruan 101: Is Haruan territorial and can you catch a few from a single spot?

November 30, 2010 by SportFishin' Asia 2 Comments

Frogfish pulled 3 good-sized haruan from a single spot in the span of 30 minutes
Though territorial by nature, the no-go zone of a Haruan (Channa Striata) aka Striped Snakehead does not cover a large area and adult fish are in closer proximity from one another than many would fathom. The territorial space of the younger fish are even lesser. Like most other fish, juveniles will stay closer together for protection in numbers.
As haruans are ambush hunters they tend to camouflage themselves in snags or where there is structure underwater. These can be weeds, sandbars, car tires or any other form of structures. As long as an adult haruan does not come within striking distance of another they will happily stay out of the another’s way.

Many hard-hitting strikes results in fish hooked on the front set of hooks
The old school thoughts of abandoning a good spot after catching a fish may not hold water in this situation. A good fishy looking spot can hold many haruans as it will for other species of fish for that matter. Not pulling a second or third fish from a good spot due to the reason that the fishes have been spooked during the commotion of landing that first fish could be the more likely cause.

Why aren’t they spooked this time
Haruans may be ambush feeders but there are also times when they will follow our lures away and out of their ambush or hiding point. And this can be quite a distance too as they are unsure of striking that strange but so enticing looking thing attached to the end of our line. The strike can be a subtle one in situations like this. While an aggressive jolting-the-rod-off-our-hands-strike can be the result of either a feeding fish or a haruan guarding its territory. Whatever the situation, the fish has been lured some distance away from that fishy looking spot which is still holding fish and which remains in relative tranquility. So what the angler should be doing is exploring this spot further and see if he can extract another fish from it.
Many angler have experienced pulling fish after fish from a single spot. Some though, are not aware that it can be the same for haruan fishing as well. I’ve experienced it many a times. Give it a shot the next time you’re out fishing for haruan in the wild. Don’t give up on a spot the after you have landed a haruan from it. The fish may just as well not be from where it was actually hooked. Get it? Though how to find and identify that good spot is another topic altogether.

Though no monster this haruan slammed on the lure so hard it knocked my fingers off the reel handle!
Food for thought
The Haruan gets really aggressive about its territory when a pair of parents are guarding their young and the space can increase substantially as mama haruan circles around creating an invisible barrier. They do not feed when guarding their brood. This scenario which is a perfect survival method in the natural wild unfortunately makes them very vulnerable and an easy target for fishermen.
When an angler takes a parent fish away, he or she is in fact killing many haruans in that single process as compared to when they only take a single non-brooding fish. If you do hook a parent fish, release the fish double quick. Sadly, many anglers cannot resist the temptation of making a killing as the mama fish also tends to be of decent size. And that, ladies and gentlemen, coupled with poor understanding of the target specie’s biology is a sure fire way to destroy a sustainable fishery.

The Ego and the Self

Juan Pablo Hernández December 4, 2013 Spirituality 18

The etymology of the word ego is simply “I” in Latin. It was used by Latin speakers in the very same way that we use the first person singular nominative case personal pronoun in modern English, which is “I”. In present day, we use the word “ego” to make a specific distinction; for example when we wish to address an inflated sense of self-worth, but also to refer to our identity that we have built around ourselves. But what, actually is the “ego”, and what is its relationship with that which we call “self”?
We can say that the ego is fundamentally a construct. It is made of parts just like a building is made up of concrete and, our ego is made up of our dreams and fears, aspirations, memories and so on. Let’s take a quick look into what the traditions of the West and East say on the subject.
For Sigmund Freud, the Ego is a part of a psyche’s apparatus that functions as a mediator between our basic human instincts (ID) and the moral that is socially upheld as desirable (Super Ego). (Super ego is the aspect of personality that holds all of our internalized moral standards and ideals that we acquire from both parents and society–our sense of right and wrong.)
The latter two elements of our psyche are in mutual contradiction and it is the job of the Ego to ‘unify’ these contradictory aspects. The result of this synthesis is something that is –apparently– stable and coherent, even though it is under a lot of pressure and always under construction. The metaphor of the Iceberg is usually employed to exemplify the mechanics and visibility of these forces: the Ego is the tip, the visible part, is only there because it’s supported by another deeper and less accessible mass of ice.

As for the Buddhist, they claim that nothing possess an underlying reality. One of the most common (and normal) aberrations of our mind is to think in terms of identities. The concept of Anatta or no-self is very clear on this: there is no thing that has a substance, they are all aggregates. The same happens with our ego: it is illusory to think that it exists. The Story of Nagasena and the Chariot is often told to exemplify: There is no such thing as a Chariot, they are parts just put together.
The same is valid for the ego: there is no such thing. What we are is a constant flow of sensations and thoughts and to identify ourselves with any of this is to create attachment to an illusion with ultimately leads to suffering. There are equivalent thoughts in Western philosophy by thinkers such as John Locke, Heraclitus and David Hume who appeal to the ‘bundle theory of the self’ and to the Theseus Ship Paradox which is just different ways of putting what the Buddhists are saying.
For Hinduism on the other hand, there is such thing as a Self and it is called Atman. It is what we find when we peel away all the illusory layers of the mind (where the Ego lies). It is equal to that of the impersonal Absolute (Brahman)-like a spark to the sun (they are both fire)-. Again, there is emphasis in self-knowledge, for it is through it that we can pierce the veil of illusion and see our true nature.
Lao Tzu wrote “knowing others is wisdom. Knowing the self is enlightenment”. It seems that many traditions highly value this kind of knowledge and see it as a means to happiness. We should be vigilant of our Ego and keep in mind that is something that has been constructed, and therefore something that can be reconstructed and reshaped in whichever way we want. If it is inevitable to have an ego we should resort to shape it to our convenience. To see it as a tool and not as a master might bring us many benefits.
Alan Watts said: “[the] ego is a social institution with no physical reality. The ego is simply your symbol of yourself. Just as the word “water” is a noise that symbolizes a certain liquid without being it, so too the idea of ego symbolizes the role you play, who you are, but it is not the same as your living organism.”
In the video below Alan Watts talks about the illusion of the Ego and that its a social institution with no physical reality –
To know this, and to be open to evolve the idea that we have of ourselves will bring dynamism and evolution in our being: It is a good idea not to take oneself too seriously, for the identification of ourselves with an ‘I’ petrifies, on the other hand self-discovery and to laugh at oneself opens the gates to self-realization. Watts explained, “…man’s un-happiness is rooted in the feeling of anxiety which attends his sense of being an isolated individual or ego, separate from “life” or “reality” as a whole. On the other hand, happiness – a sense of harmony, completion, and wholeness – comes with the realization that the feeling of isolation is an illusion”
Resources:
Is Your Ego Your Servant or Your Master?

TIDAK BOLEH TENGOK FARAJ ISTERI?

...dukacita apabila diberitahu ada penceramah kursus perkahwinan membaca hadis palsu kononnya Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Apabila seseorang kamu menyetubuhi isteri atau jariahnya, maka jangan dia melihat pada kemaluan mereka kerana yang demikian itu menyebabkan buta.

..maka ‘demam’ pasangan yang ingin berkahwin mendengar hadis palsu ini. Sementara yang dah lama melihat kemaluan isterinya kehairanan kerana dia masih belum buta. Lalu mungkin disangkakan Nabi SAW memberitahu sesuatu yang tidak benar. Sebenarnya, pereka hadis palsu itu yang berbohong dan ustaz pembaca hadis palsu tersebut menyebar kebohongan.

Sedangkan Allah berfirman dalam Surah al- Mukminun ayat 1-6: (maksudnya) "Sesungguhnya berjayalah orang-orang yang beriman. Iaitu mereka yang khusyuk dalam solatnya. Dan mereka yang menjauhkan diri dari perbuatan dan perkataan yang sia-sia; Dan mereka yang berusaha membersihkan hartanya (dengan menunaikan zakat harta itu); Dan mereka yang menjaga kemaluan mereka, kecuali kepada isterinya atau hamba sahayanya maka sesungguhnya mereka tidak tercela".

.. diriwayatkan daripada ‘Aisyah, katanya: Aku dan Rasulullah pernah mandi bersama dari satu bekas air. Maka dia mendahuluiku sehingga aku kata: tinggalkan untukku! tinggalkan untukku!) Riwayat al-Bukhari, Muslim dan selain mereka.
Jelas daripada hadis ini harus melihat kemaluan isteri.

...ini dikuatkan oleh riwayat Ibn Hibban melalui Sulaiman bin Musa yang apabila ditanya mengenai suami yang melihat kemaluan isterinya, dia menjawab: “Aku pernah bertanya hal ini kepada ‘Ata. Kata ‘Ata: Aku pernah bertanya ‘Aisyah, lalu ‘Aisyah pun meriwayatkan hadis di atas”

Bagaimana mungkin dilarang melihat faraj isteri padahal ia perangsang kepada persetubuhan yang halal dan berpahala?!

When You Criticize Someone, You Make It Harder for that Person to Change

by Daniel Goleman  |   12:00 PM December 19, 2013

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“If everything worked out perfectly in your life, what would you be doing in ten years?”
Such a question opens us up to fresh possibilities, to reflect on what matters most to us, and even what deep values might guide us through life. This approach gives managers a tool for coaching their teams to get better results.
Contrast that mind-opening query with a conversation about what’s wrong with you, and what you need to do to fix yourself.  That line of thinking shuts us down, puts us on the defensive, and narrows our possibilities to rescue operations. Managers should keep this in mind, particularly during performance reviews.
That question about your perfect life in ten years comes from Richard Boyatzis, a professor at the Weatherhead School of Management at Case Western, and an old friend and colleague.  His recent research on the best approach to coaching has used brain imaging to analyze how coaching affects the brain differently when you focus on dreams instead of failings. These findings have great implications for how to best help someone – or yourself — improve.
As I quoted Boyatzis in my book Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence,  “Talking about your positive goals and dreams activates brain centers that open you up to new possibilities. But if you change the conversation to what you should do to fix yourself, it closes you down.”
Working with colleagues at Cleveland Clinic, Boyatzis put people through a positive, dreams-first interview or a negative, problems-focused one while their brains were scanned. The positive interview elicited activity in reward circuitry and areas for good memories and upbeat feelings – a brain signature of the open hopefulness we feel when embracing an inspiring vision. In contrast, the negative interview activated brain circuitry for anxiety, the same areas that activate when we feel sad and worried. In the latter state, the anxiety and defensiveness elicited make it more difficult to focus on the possibilities for improvement.
Of course a manager needs to help people face what’s not working. As Boyatzis put it, “You need the negative focus to survive, but a positive one to thrive. You need both, but in the right ratio.”
Barbara Frederickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, finds that positive feelings enlarge the aperture of our attention to embrace a wider range of possibility and to motivate us to work toward a better future. She finds that people who do well in their private and work lives alike generally have a higher ratio of positive states to negative ones during their day.
Being in the positive mood range activates brain circuits that remind us of how good we will feel when we reach a goal, according to research by Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin. That’s the circuit that keeps us working away at the small steps we need to take toward a larger goal – whether finishing a major project or a change in our own behavior.
This brain circuitry — vital for working toward our goals — runs on dopamine, a feel-good brain chemical, along with endogenous opioids like endorphins, the “runner’s high” neurotransmitters. This chemical brew fuels drive and tags it with satisfying dollops of pleasure. That may be why maintaining a positive view pays off for performance, as Frederickson’s research has found: it energizes us, lets us focus better, be more flexible in our thinking, and connect effectively with the people around us.
Managers and coaches can keep this in mind. Boyatzis makes the case that understanding a person’s dreams can open a conversation about what it would take to fulfill those hopes. And that can lead to concrete learning goals. Often those goals are improving capacities like conscientiousness, listening, collaboration and the like – which can yield better performance.
Boyatzis tells of an executive MBA student, a manager who wanted to build better work relationships. The manager had an engineering background; when it came to getting a task done, “all he saw was the task,” says Boyatzis, “not the people he worked with to get it done.”
His learning curve involved tuning in to how other people felt. For a low-risk chance to practice this he took on coaching his son’s soccer team – and making the effort to notice how team members felt as he coached them. That became a habit he took back to work.
By starting with the positive goal he wanted to achieve – richer work relationships – rather than framing it as a personal flaw he wanted to overcome,  he made achieving his goal that much easier.
Bottom line: don’t focus on only on weaknesses, but on hopes and dreams. It’s what our brains are wired to do.

Things You Should Consider Before Renting Your Home to Travelers

Dec 18, 2013 by Sharon

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Trends indicate people prefer to live in vacation rentals rather than hotels, as they are looking for a home away home. This would explain the surge in short-term vacation rentals. If you want to earn a second income and help travelers enjoy an authentic and comfortable travel experience, you can rent out your house. However, before you do this, there are few things to consider.

by ParisSharing

Make Your Property Presentable

Your property should look good, welcoming and neat. You also would need to post images of your property online to show people what they will be getting for their money. Hence, it is important you make your property look great by painting the walls, cleaning the windows, replacing broken fences and landscaping your garden. It is not just about the exteriors, even the interiors should be spick-n-span. Get rid of the junk, rearrange the furniture to make the inside look more spacious and remove personal items. The idea is to make your home welcoming and warm for people who stay there. So throw in colorful cushions and rugs. Get a set of new.

Hire Professional Maid Service

There is no doubt you clean your home regularly, but the kind of cleaning a professional maid or housekeeping service does cannot be matched. Rather than seeing it as an expense, view the maid service as an investment into the upkeep of your property. And, you will be thankful for this service once travelers begin using your property.

Select the Appropriate Property Rental Site

If you do not let travelers know your property is available for them to stay in, you will not be able to attract them. Select a site that is relevant to your needs. You could be renting out a room with attached bathroom or the entire house. You need to find a vacation rental space that can attract the kind of travelers you are looking for. So select the site carefully.

Click High-Definition Images of Your Property

After you have selected the right vacation rental site for your property, you would need to upload images and description of your property. This is why you should click some great images of the outside and inside to give potential travelers a bird’s eye view of the property and amenities therein. The more attractive the images, the more potential travelers will want to book your property.

Fix the Rate for Your Property

Depending on the location, amenities and the size of the property, you will have to fix a rate for your rental. Usually, this is a daily rate, with the possibility of a discount if guests stay for a longer period. You will have to do some research to find out what rentals similar to yours are charging in your area and accordingly within that range. If you want to offer premium amenities, your rate should increase based on that. You also should have a fail-proof way of accepting payments. Be very clear about the payment and cancellation terms.

Think from a Guest’s Point of View

If you want to make your property the preferred vacation rental in the area, you should think from a guest’s point of view. Have all the amenities a person would require during their stay and also try and personalize the experience. This could be leaving a map of the area, a few groceries to get them settled in after their arrival, a list of all important telephone numbers and instructions on how to operate certain appliances or gadgets in the house.

Get Guest Reviews

The moment you begin getting guests, make it a point to get them to review your property online. Today, peer reviews are considered the best form of promotion and advertising. So make use of your guests’ reviews to grow your business. Typically, when guests have a pleasant and hassle-free stay, they are more likely to leave a good word. So do not feel embarrassed to ask them for a review. You can even post them online yourself after getting your guests’ permission. The more good reviews you have, the more your property will stand out and guests will be conducive to booking it.

You can take advantage of the popularity of vacation rentals by converting your home into a rental that guests would love to stay at. If you take the aforementioned points into consideration and work on them, you can earn a second income quite easily. But remember, running a vacation rental requires dedication and work, so do not expect success to knock on your doors overnight. Your perseverance will pay off and you will realize the time and money spent was well worth it.